Online shopping from a great selection at Movies & TV Store. DVD The Adventures of Pinocchio, The Little Vampire, Monkey Trouble, Son of the Mask. Son of the Mask - Channel Awesome(We start off in H- E- Double Hockey Stick/the Burning Hells as the screams of the damned fill the air. Inside a red room is Satan (Malcolm Ray) looking at his phone before nodding to his assistant, who turns on the webcam to speak to his legions.). Assistant: Minions of Hell, (that makes the minions turn to face the monitor) I give to you the one and only master. The Lord of Darkness, Satan. It's time for you to witness the true terror of the Antichrist. The horror of my offspring. The undeniable evil that will destroy what's left of your souls. Until you all shared its magic with me! Please, please, please? This isn't the little hellspawn I raised! Son Of The Mask OtisAnd what's all this talk about friendship and love and kindness? The woman's (also played by Rachel) phone rings and she picks it up.). Woman: Hello, Kim Kardashian. She's the seed of evil! One more outbreak like this and I'll take away your artificial husband. I think the one you gave me is broken. Son of the Mask is a 2005 fantasy slapstick comedy film an aspiring cartoonist who finds himself in a predicament when his dog stumbles upon the mask of Loki. You can watch Son of the Mask online for free on this page by streaming the movie in the video player above or by choosing a different version to play below it. It'll take something much more potent to get our little girl back to normal. A children's film so frightening and so disturbed that no child could watch it without being scarred for life. YOU THREW IT INTO THE HUMAN WORLD?! Mankind is not ready for something so depraved. God help the poor soul who comes across that nightmare sadism. I put it somewhere where nobody would look. I remember it so you don't have to. We all remember the mid- 9. The Mask. It was a decent flick, with the Mask character for the kids and Jim Carrey's straight man routine for the adults. And on top of that, it made a lot of money. Son of Mask isn't necessarily a license I'm terribly excited about, but Indiagames' title is certainly a pleasant little platformer. Watch Son Of The Mask instantly on VUDU. Mayhem is unleashed when the Mask of Loki finds its way into the hands of aspiring cartoonist Tim Avery and his son, Alvey. So much so that a sequel had been in the works for eons. It was mentioned in interviews.. Yeah, didn't that turn out to be a great prize! Wait years later for a contest you forgot you entered to get dragged to a set that has no Jim Carrey, no Cameron Diaz. Even the dog I think was freaking dead by this point! Even the advertisements show pretty much nothing but the dog and baby scenes. But it's not only a half- assed sequel without half the asses of the original cast, it's a downright strange, freaky little drive into someone's poisoned outlook as to what family entertainment is. It's a miserable experience that I'm sure you'll want to see me go through. We enter a museum that literally has the only cast member from the last movie, Ben Stein. And seriously, was it even worth getting him? It's like making (logo of..) Ghostbusters 3 and the only cast member you bring in (scene of Egon talking to a possessed Louis) is the lamp (arrow pointing at the lamp in the room) from scene 2. Though, to be fair, the lamp would give a much more stunning performance than Stein. Arthur Neuman (Ben Stein): That's Loki, Norse god of mischief. And Loki's ultimate tool of mischief was this. Loki himself appears, played by Alan Cumming.. Granted, anything dismembering Ben Stein is usually a plus, but I'd rather be able to watch it as opposed to run out of the theater in my urine soaked khakis. So the real Mask is in the river just outside of Fringe City.. Edge City, you'll be asking yourself, . Yet looks so identical to him so that the kids can see the trailer and say, ! Even the Jack Russell Terrier wanted more money than they were willing to shell out! Like Jamie Kennedy, who I swear has set his acting to . Why, just look at what goes through his mind when somebody says . As they're presented to him, they grow vampire fangs.). NC: Whoa, whoa, whoa! There's the poster for your movie! That'll get the kids coming in. I'm just saying I don't want a baby right now. Seriously, even Gromit doesn't have as much dog related shit in his room! We get our first look at- -(suddenly the scene transitions through Otis' eyes) WHAT THE HELL?! Actually, that's Bob Hoskins as Odin. Probably thankful for his retirement whenever he pops this movie in. This is your mess, and you will clean it up! Your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. Seeing how his costume got ruined, he grabs the Mask his dog found and I'll give you one sanity tormenting guess what happens. It's like they made DNA syrup out of the Jolly Green Giant and Conan O'Brien! Can't take my eyes.. Can't take my eyes off of you. And each one is worse than the last. Can't you see all the dancers behind me?! It didn't need to face- hump the camera every chance it got! I swear, this thing goes on for what feels like a fucking eternity! And it just keeps getting worse and worse! He tries to refrain himself, but can't take it anymore and answers the phone. And that person is..). Vanilla Ice: Hello, this is Vanilla Ice. This is the part where you dance! I mean, not to be crass about it, but this guy.. This has that spark I was looking for. Suddenly the baby starts dancing to the song ! We then zoom into the baby's mouth for more Odin, freaking out NC.! He blows on his thumb and his head inflates like a balloon. Cut to NC smiling; his eyes widen as he proceeds to scream.). NC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- -. Several times, we cut back to Alvey continuing to inflate his head, then back to NC who is leaning back in his chair, still screaming.). NC: - -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! His scream is heard all the way down in Hell where Satan's smiling.). Satan: That's my music! My movie's been found! No, it's clearly Rainbow Dash. Where do you find these people? Tell him I blame him for that shitty abomination of a third season! NC quickly pushes the fast forward button and goes to the next scene.). NC (vo): We cut to a scene where Loki is trying to find the baby, disguised as a- -. Loki is in the form of a green bee as scary music is added. NC screams again.). NC: AAAAAAAAAAAA- - (slaps himself) Okay, okay, we're getting through this! I mean, guys, seriously. This is an appealing image for kids? It's like the Statue of Liberty sneezed out the Honey Nut Cheerios bee! Cut to Tim being woken up in the night by Alvey crying.). NC (vo): So while Jamie reads a book clearly the screenwriters didn't read (. As he brings it close to Alvey, the baby's eyes bulge out in alarm, waking Tim up to see he has a broken lamp while Alvey quivers under the blanket.)NC (vo): Aw, isn't that cute? He almost fed him broken glass. A common everyday mistake of your everyday likeable hero. Or even better, when the wife has to go out of town for a week for her job, the unbelievably likeable way he takes responsibility for his child. NC just looks on with confusion and disgust. The routine also makes Tim shriek and fall off his chair.). NC: Okay, let me tell you in great detail why this scene isn't funny. Each transition scares NC, the last one making him scream longer.). NC (vo): Okay, seriously! What is with the imagery in this movie?! It's fucking terrifying! I mean, I forget; is this the sixth or seventh level of Hell? I haven't read Dante in a while, but I know this is in there! He couldn't have forgotten something as horrifying as this! Well, it's because he wants him thrown in a mental hospital! I have no freaking idea! It's explained about as well as why the dog wants to kill the baby! Oh, yeah, did I forget to mention that? The dog gets the Mask, looks like an R. Crumb drawing of cancer, and tries to kill the baby! Now to its credit, they explain this a little bit by showing he wants to be the center of attention again, but, yeah, this comes out of nowhere, too! Is that what you were trying to convey? How would we guess that? Everything else is shot so weird and over- the- top that the only thing being conveyed is the night terrors you're gonna have tonight! Two second image of a cartoon.. Oh, and I'm not kidding. The effects when the dog is trying to get rid of the baby and the baby (sarcastic) so cleverly outwits him (normal) is some of the worst animation you'll ever see. I mean, (clip of dancing Sylvester from Baby Geniuses) worse than Baby Geniuses! It looks worse than Baby Geniuses! And Lord knows this could benefit from some British nudity. And once again, the images are creepy. They are so fucking creepy! It looks like every second it's on, the movie is trying to jump out and kill you! It looks like something Gollum threw up and animated! Oh, and speaking of which, here's another fun image. I mean, could this movie throw any more horrendous imagery at us? He peeks out and sees the DVD there whispering evil things in an evil tongue, making his mouth quiver as the words get louder. An explosion is shown on the DVD before NC lets out a wide scream and calls for help.). NC: (on the phone) Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't mean to call, but you're just the only decent good person I can think of to solve this and I.. I think my DVD's possessed. His theme plays in the background.). SC: Hoo ho ho. There are a lot of bad movies out there, I assure you. That doesn't necessarily mean it's possessed. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Either you must return it to its master, or.. What you're asking is impossible. I'm not listening anymore, la la la la la la la la. It'd be wonderful if you could take it. I am giving it to you. Please take it off my hands, I'm sick of looking at it, it's brought me so much misery, I mean, there's not many words that can- -. SC grabs NC by his tie and pulls him close.). SC: Don't tempt me, Critic! Understand, Critic, if you gave me this DVD, through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine. But that is not for us to decide. You were meant to find the DVD, and therefore you were meant to suffer. Meant to go through the sort of incredible psychological pain that no force on Earth could match. That is a very encouraging thought. That's not a very encouraging thought! In fact, that's about as far away from an encouraging thought an encouraging thought could get. Santa Christ, Santa Christ. We all love Santa Christ. NC's left alone in the dining room.). NC: Thanks! Let me know if you wanna quote more Lord of the Rings anytime. Tim's attempting to change Alvey's diapers.). NC (vo): So, Jamie tries something different for a change: actually being a good father, by at the very least changing the kid's diaper. Robot Check. Enter the characters you see below. Sorry, we just need to make sure you're not a robot. For best results, please make sure your browser is accepting cookies.
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